by Diane Linsley
I once sat in a three-hour session with a Zen teacher in Boulder,
Colorado. He led me through the Mondo Zen process, which helped to dissolve my ego boundaries until I experienced a kensho, which
is a short-lived but profound experience of the Transcendent.
When the kensho came to an end, I watched with fascination as my
ego gradually reconstructed itself. I started crying, and the teacher asked me what I was thinking.
I told him that I was seeing my ego as a visual metaphor. It looked like a huge building. I could see many things about the building that I wanted to change, but I didn't know how, and I felt ashamed. At the same time, I was experiencing a profound feeling of self-compassion.
He replied that this is why we do spiritual work. We don't go into the Transcendent to escape from the suffering of the ego. We do it in order to see the ego more clearly. It's a humbling experience to see what we need to change. Each time we go through this cycle, the ego matures a little more.
The Different Parts of Ourselves
We are each made up of different parts or layers. When we incarnate, we put on these layers, as if we are putting on clothes. When we die, we remove these layers again in reverse order.
Various spirtual traditions use different systems and terminology. In this article, I'm using very basic terms and concepts, and I'm only describing what I have personally experienced.
1. Pure Awareness - Also known as Spirit, the Absolute, or the Ground of Being. This is hard to describe because it has no physical, mental or emotional aspects. It is pure awareness without any content.
2. Soul - Also called the individuality or the individual spirit (not the same as universal Spirit, which is everywhere). All of the knowledge and experiences from your past lives and your life between lives is stored in your soul. The soul progresses as it acquires more knowledge and experience.
3. Astral - Before incarnating, the soul creates an astral body. This body includes emotions, images and creative potentials for your life. During an out-of-body experience (OBE or astral projection), the astral body separates from the physical body as you move your awareness from the physical to the astral.
4. Etheric - The etheric body (or energy body) contains your life force or chi. The etheric body maintains the health of the physical body. Within days after death, the etheric body dissolves.
5. Physical - Now it's time to incarnate in a physical body.
6. Ego/Personality - The ego isn't a body. It's a construct like a map. I like to call it your map of reality, which includes all of your beliefs about yourself and the world. This map was created by you, but it's not your "true self." You are the map maker - the person holding the map.
Ego and Personality
"I am always conscious of myself as two - my soul and I." ~Walt Whitman
Your personality is unique to this lifetime. Along with your physical body, it was created for one lifetime to house your soul as it experiences mortal life. The soul is a unique individual, but it's not the same as the personality. You can verify this by doing spiritual work that takes you beyond the ego/personality.
The ego is not the "bad guy," as some people believe. It is simply the most recent step in evolutionary development. For this reason, it's still immature. The ego is what distinguishes us from animals. Animals lack the problems of the ego, but they also lack the corresponding freedom. The goal at this stage of human development is to mature the ego. You can't get rid of the ego, but you can experience moments of egoless awareness, as I did in the Zen experience, which can help you separate from the ego long enough to see it more clearly. You create ego "voices" to help you function in the physical world. The voices have jobs to do, but they are in various stages of maturity. Immature voices cause a lot of problems. This becomes very clear when you do Voice Dialogue, which is a highly effective spiritual practice.
Incarnation and Death
"The ego is frightened by death because ego is part of the incarnation and ends with it. That is why we learn to identify with our soul, as the soul continues after death. For the soul, death is just another moment." ~Ram Dass I once asked a friend who is a student of Rudolf Steiner, "If all the bodies dissolve after death and are recreated for the next lifetime, how does my soul progress? I've done such an incredible amount of spiritual work in this lifetime. I don't want to forget it all and be reborn as an idiotic narcissist!"
He laughed and reassured me that, according to Steiner's teachings, no experience is ever lost, and the work we do in this lifetime impacts our future. This is called karma. Here's what I've concluded after studying the writings of many teachers, combined with my own experiences:
After death, you enter the astral realm, where you process your life experiences. This is the long version of the "life review" that near-deathers (including me) have experienced. When this work is done, you release your astral body and dissolve into the Ground of Being, which is like a resting place.
Eventually, you come back to your unique soul identity, which contains all of your memories. Then, with the help of spiritual guides, you create new astral, etheric and physical bodies for your next lifetime. These bodies are designed to help you accomplish your soul's purpose. They also contain an imprint from your previous life - your karma.
Your personality doesn't remember the past, but your soul never forgets. Throughout your life, your soul finds ways to communicate to you what you need to know to accomplish your life purpose.
Inspiration comes when you need it, but only as much as you can handle. Too much information can overwhelm the system. This happened after my kundalini vision, and it took a long time to adapt. The ego/personality cannot handle all that the soul knows. It can only take one step at a time.
The Soul's Purpose
"Call nothing thy own except thy soul. Love not what thou art but what thou may become." ~Dale Wasserman, Man of La Mancha
The purpose of life is to bring into physical reality the potentials that we have, which were created in the astral body before incarnating. These potentials begin with the experiences and knowledge gained in previous lifetimes. We grow as we work on bringing these potentials to fruition.
In a podcast called Is Free Will an Illusion?, Ken Wilber says that the work of each lifetime begins at the level to which you rose in your previous lifetime. This is your set point. This starts happening sometime after childhood. Childhood is the time for forming the ego and maturing the physical body in preparation for your life's work.
He gives the example of Mozart writing symphonies at a remarkably young age. This can only be explained by his developing musical ability in a previous lifetime. He picked up where he left off before - but in a new body and a new historical era with new potentials to bring into physical reality.
When you mature enough to reach the level of development that you achieved in your previous lifetime, your life may suddenly become very challenging because you have hit a temporary ceiling.
Many clients have told me that life was relatively easy until they suddenly hit the ceiling. Ever since then, it's been one challenge after another. They are upset by this phenomenon because they think it means they did something wrong. But it simply means you are being stretched to go beyond your comfort zone.
I hit the ceiling at age 20. My life since then has been very challenging. I'm proud of what I've done in the last 30 years because I've gone beyond the set point of my previous lifetime.
Which talents or character traits came naturally to you, and which ones did you have to struggle with?
I was born with the ability to be accepting of others and to excel in many different academic subjects. But there are other abilities which I have struggled very hard for many years to develop.
Facing New Territory
After my kundalini awakening in 2013, I went to the astral plane and talked with my spirit guide about Diane's life. I really hit a ceiling at that point, and I doubted that I could go on with this lifetime. We talked about my previous life, and he hinted that I made a choice that seemed, at the time, to be the only right choice. But he thought I could have made a different choice.
I disagreed with him because I couldn't see any other options. Then he said, "There is more you can do as Diane." He convinced me to go back to my body and continue with my life.
Since then, I have done many things I never imagined before. But I only recently discovered what the other option was that my spirit guide had alluded to. Discovering this option answered another long-time question that had been weighing on me - why I chose this particular body. I had already figured out why I chose my parents and other situations in my life, but I couldn't wrap my mind around the body thing.
When I finally got this piece of the puzzle, everything made sense, and I saw more ways to accomplish my life purpose.
"What is another, more enlightened choice I can make right now?" ~Barbara De Angelis
This question takes on a whole new meaning when you look at it from the perspective of the soul, which takes into account more than just one lifetime. I also think about how this lifetime is preparation for my next lifetime, which extends my perspective even further.
The Soul's Journey
After my diagnosis of Graves' disease in 2016, I read the Soul Journey books by Michael Newton. I found a way to contact my soul (without having an LBL regression). I then developed a new paradigm for my life, which involves aligning the desires of my ego with the goals of my soul.
I realized that I chose all the circumstances of my life. I'm saying "I" from the perspective of the soul. Obviously, my ego didn't choose to suffer. I saw how I planned this life in order to accomplish my goals.
Until you accept that your soul chose the circumstances of your life, you will continue to think you are a victim, believing that something went wrong. The ego can't take responsibility for your life because it didn't choose it in the first place. The ego is not you. It's just a map.
It can be difficult to believe that your soul has your best interests at heart, especially when it asks you to do things that are very challenging. Faith is the willingness to experiment. If you want to know if you are on the right track, you have to do an experiment. That's how you gain experience and knowledge.
The Soul's View of the Ego
After my kundalini vision, I realized that the soul needs the ego/personality in order to progress. This is contrary to the common teaching that ego is bad and should be gotten rid of.
My previous enlightenment experiences had been profound. It was difficult to come back to the ego after enlightenment because I could see its dysfuntion so clearly, which was painful. It wasn't until I entered the Fifth Rank of Tozan that I understood why my higher self loved me so much. This gave me more insight into the kensho I had many years before - the mirror experience.
The higher self is the soul's highest potential - what the soul is working towards. An encounter with your higher self is a life-changing experience that helps you understand what you are capable of.
As the soul struggles with the ego, it learns and develops. Our job is to help the ego mature. It's like a parent helping a child to mature. The spiritual qualities of the higher self are what we are reaching for.
"Soul development should take precedence over all things." ~Edgar Cayce
You came into this world with nothing, and you will leave with nothing except for a more developed soul.
Working on All The Bodies
We can work on the physical body with diet and exercise. We can work on the etheric body by doing energy work, chakra balancing or Qi Gong. Homeopathy is a system of energy medicine that heals the physical body by restoring balance in the etheric body. We can work on the astral body by lucid dreaming. OBE practitioners lose the fear of death as they practice separating from the physical body and exploring the astral plane. Astral projection is fun and exciting. Death is just the final astral projection.
It's even possible to experience pure awareness. This was a profound experience for me. I put myself into a trance and deconstructed myself until everything vanished except for pure awareness.
I started by repeating the question over and over, "Who am I?" Physical sensations vanished as I went into the state of "body asleep, mind awake." I kept going deeper and deeper. Finally, the last sounds and images of the astral plane vanished as I went beyond the astral into pure awareness.
This state was absolute "no-thing-ness" - like outer space with no stars. There was awareness, but no objects of awareness. I don't know how long I was in this state because there was no sense of time.
Then I saw a flash of light like a supernova exploding out of the darkness, and everything began to come back in reverse order, piece by piece, until I was "re-incarnated" as my whole self again. When the last layer (the ego) came back, I exclaimed, "Oh, my gosh! That was amazing!!"
Having an intellectual understand and having an experience are two different things. I sometimes have experiences first, and then I go looking for explanations.
You can also read about a concept and then have your own experience to verify the truth. I wrote this website in the hope that you will be encouraged to have your own experiences. That's why we incarnate - to have experiences.
The concepts and terminology in this article came from a variety of sources, including the Zen tradition, Western philosophy, and the writings of Ken Wilber and Michael Newton. For further reading, check out this article on anthroposophy.
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