One tool that I use in my coaching practice is Enneagram typing.
The Enneagram is not about personality, as we commonly think of it.
Rather, it is a map for identifying unconscious beliefs and motives.
Our lives are shaped by our unconscious beliefs. It's only when we
make these beliefs conscious by bringing awareness to them that
we have the power to change them. The Enneagram helps us discover the underlying assumptions in our map of reality so we can have more choice about how we think and act.
Clients are often amazed at the realizations they have when we discuss the meaning of their Enneagram type. Of course, this has to be done with sensitivity because it can be both relieving and discouraging to see the habitual patterns of thought and behavior that have shaped our lives.
Studying the Enneagram can help people develop more self-compassion, as well as compassion for all the people in their lives. Clients who enjoy Enneagram work will often ask their closest friends and family members to take the test in order to understand them better.
One of the best books on this subject is The Enneagram by Helen Palmer. It explains a lot about relationship dynamics.
Witnessing Your Enneagram Type
Once you have discovered your Enneagram type, you can never be totally unconscious of it again. You will begin to witness yourself getting caught in the old patterns over and over. It's important to separate from your Inner Critic so you don't criticize yourself every time this happens.
The Witness is the objective part of yourself that does not assign meaning or blame. It simply witnesses. By witnessing your habitual patterns over time, you will begin to see how you can change them. The processes I teach as a life coach can make these changes easier.
There are various online tests for identifying your Enneagram type. The following test at Integral Life is the most accurate one I know of: Enneagram Personality Type Survey